Don't Stand So Close To Me
by dubtheeunforgiven
Summary: There was a fire inside of him, burning slowly and steadily, sometimes growing too large, out of control. There were many words she could use for him: the yin and the yang, the dark and light, the good and evil. He possessed it all. COMPLETE!
1. The subject of schoolgirl fantasy

**Don't Stand So Close To Me**

_Young teacher, the subject of schoolgirl fantasy_

_She wants him so badly, knows wants she wants to be_

_Inside her there's longing, this girl's an open page_

_Book marking, she's so close now_

This girl is half his age… 

Police

The small cursive script of the large book full of knowledge seemed to blur tonight. Hermione's eyes wouldn't focus, they didn't want to concentrate, or want to gain the wise knowledge or philosophy of the book today. Hermione kept her finger on the line of words she had to follow, trying to read along as her finger moved across the frail yellowed pages. Her eyes went in and out of focus as the feeling of nausea crept over the stomach and to her throat. She snapped the book shut, though keeping her finger on the page.

"I'm going mad, I'm a total fool and a idiot!" she grumbled to the empty dormitory.

Closing her eyes, Hermione leaned back against her bedpost, breathing in slowly and letting it all out even slower. After a few minutes of practicing the breathing techniques she had learned from a very helpful book from the library (A Complete Healer's guide to Healing in Helpful Ways) she re-opened her eyes to turn the great volume to the marked page. She blinked at the miniature words and tried to make sense of it, but the sudden throbbing in her temple finally urged Hermione to give up on the book. For now atleast.

Resigned, she slid off of her bed. Hermione turned to leave the dormitory for dinner when her reflection caught her eye. Just herself standing alone in the vast emptiness of the dark room. She gazed at her self silently, taking in everything: the planes of her face, the rise of her cheekbones, and the curve of her eyebrows. She leaned in closer to observe her tired eyes with their dark glow. She leaned closer yet as if to kiss the mirror, but her eyes remained transfixed upon her face. The golden brown glow in her eyes, sometimes taking over the dark orbs, but if the shadows of the lights flickered for a moment or so, the dark pools would triumph. She tilted her head slightly, fogging the glass with her warm breath. Her hands inched up slowly, as she gazed still mesmerized.

She traced the curve of her cheek lightly, running her fingers along the lines of her lips. Sliding her tongue lightly over her pouting lips. She breathed in deeply, inhaling a scent that was all his, her eyes sliding shut on their own accord. She shivered as a chill ran up her spine, and the quick shudder had her throwing her head back as if in immense pleasure.

_Thud Thud Thud. _Hermione's eyes flew open as the dormitory door was flung open and Parvati and Lavender's loud chattering reached her ears. Leaning her forehead against the mirror she ran a shaky hand through her hair, trying to still the wild beating of her heart. It had been as if he was right here, with her. As if he were touching her, and filling her with his scent, with his hands, with his mouth, with him.

"Hermione! Ron and Harry are downstairs waiting for you!" Parvati yelled over her shoulder as they left, slamming the wooden door behind them.

Quickly composing herself, Hermione entered the common room. She scanned the room for Harry and Ron, and having found them she made her way to the two boys sitting by the fire involved in a game of intense exploding snap.

She stood in front of them wearily, waiting. Hermione ran her hand up and down her arms as if to ward of a sudden chill, thinking back to her experience in the dormitory. It had happened before, she thought logically, so there was no need to be scared since nothing terrible had ever occurred after it, or nothing out of the ordinary. It had just been like a dream, there was no way to properly explain it, the mind, after all, worked in strange ways…except this had been real, and she knew it. Hermione frowned lightly, and pushed the thoughts to the back of her head. The common room was emptying slowly, and Hermione was still waiting and observing the game now with dull distinctness.

"Will you two just get up now?" Hermione snapped loudly after another ten minutes had passed by with no signs of the two finishing.

A louder explosion filled the room followed by thick wisps of smoke hiding Ron's singed eyebrows.

"Oye Hermione! Did u have to yell so loud and scare the cards?" Ron grumbled over Harry's mocking laughter, as he got up to brush of the specks of ash that had settled over his clothes and hair.

"Well you two called me down here so we can go have dinner, so lets go!" Hermione said her patience finally wearing thin. She marched towards the portrait, rolling her eyes at the laughter and grumbling coming from behind her.

She had purposely chosen this seat for it gave her the perfect view of the teachers table without any of them noticing her constant gaze. She had her view on one of them right now, as she always did every night. Hermione carelessly twirled her fork around in her empty plate as she quietly observed her professor. He was seated beside Minerva Mcgonnigal and Flitwick. Making polite conversation with them seemed to come easily to him, easier, it seemed, then eating the contents on his plate was. The few lines around his intense eyes formed as he chuckled appreciatively at something Flitwick had said. Her gaze slid down to his nose and lips, and then back to his eyes. She stared at them fascinated.

They always amazed her, those eyes. His eyes represented him; they showed what, and who he was if only one knew what to look for. Most of the time they were a calm warm amber. They could be relied on when needed, yet there was a fire inside him, burning slowly and steadily, sometimes growing fast, as large as a bonfire; out of control and dark, and at times smoldering down to just a warm spark. The spark always stayed though. There were many words she could use to describe him, all of him, the opposites, the yin and the yang, the dark and light, the black and white, the good and evil. He possessed all those qualities, but then again, Hermione thought, most human beings did too.

Hermione looked back to the Gryffindor table to see Harry, Ron, Ginny, Dean and Seamus involved in a fierce debate about Quidditch and Parvati and Lavender pouring over the astrological pages from some magazine. She felt so detached from them all, even Harry and Ron had noticed her odd behavior and alerted Ginny to try talk to her after they had ended up with no success.

He had become a sort of obsession for her. Hermione had started to notice every little thing he did ever since their visit to Grimmauld place last summer. They had kept Grimmauld as the secret headquarters, but were searching for a safer place now that the deatheaters knew about Sirius's membership in the Order.

Hermione had arrived later in the summer as she had been on vacation with her parents to France. Paris really was a beautiful city, Hermione thought smiling softly as she remembered the theaters and Opera and the sidewalk café's. Maybe she had thoughts like a romantic fool, but Hermione knew most no girl would refuse a trip to Paris because it caused the female mind to think it romantic. The art, the wine, the café's the river rides, the after night sidewalk strolls. _Probably since that's the way we were thought to think_, Hermione reminded herself. She had thought of him in Paris. She hadn't stopped thinking about him since the day at the Ministry of Magic.

He had no one left, nobody that Hermione knew of anyway, and she didn't know much about his life, she didn't know anyone who did. She knew everyone sympathized for him, why would one think she was any different? But she was different. No one else was dreaming about soothing his anxiety, or having wild fantasies about him, or obsessive thoughts about how he was spending his nights, or think that his presence was somehow in their rooms and have random spurs of pleasures from it.

Sighing she buried her face in her hands for a moment. She didn't know anything about him, she had no right to think about her teacher the way she did. Hermione remembered the flash of joy she had felt when Mrs. Weasley had told them with happiness brimming her worn and tried eyes that Remus Lupin would be teaching at Hogwarts again. She had clapped and congratulated Remus like everyone else the next day, but secretly letting her mind yell with exultation. She could still see Professor Lupin with the Weasleys and herself at Grimmauld place's living room. She had seen happiness and satisfaction in his eyes for a fleeting moment before it was replaced wit the usual somber faraway look that had settled there since the incident in the ministry.

She had tried to ignore it, but his eyes seemed to have been burned into her head. She dreamt about those eyes that night, and followed almost every night after. If seem from detached consideration they seemed polite and un attached, but inside there really was just a spark that was burning out.

She felt a stirring within her and her eyes felt compelled to look up at Professor Lupin again. This time they somehow had found hers too. A curious shudder ran through her as his amber eyes looked into hers intently. She blinked as Professor Lupin sent her a small smile from the teachers table and looked away.

"Hermione! Hey Hermione?" Ginny reached out to shake Hermione's shoulder just as Hermione reluctantly turned to look at the younger redhead.

"What's up with you Hermione? You seem so distracted." Ginny said reaching for the treacle tart.

"I'm fine. Really I am. Just worried about war." Hermione lied, folding her napkin tightly. It was the easiest thing to be worried about these days. She looked up to find Harry observing her closely, and looked away.

"Hermione..." Harry spoke wearily.

"What? I'm perfectly fine you know that. Just worrying about Voldemort and the war, and homework and such…" she said looking down and contemplating her folder napkin before unfolding it and pressing it together again.

Ginny observed her with a faint smile floating on her face, as if she knew something everyone else didn't.

"I know what's wrong with Hermione," she said finally, her eyes shinning as she grinned.

"What's wrong with Hermione?" Harry asked turning his attention to Ginny while peeking at Hermione rolling her eyes again.

"There's always been something wrong with Hermione!" Ron said loudly leaning over the table while spooning a large amount of chocolate pudding into his mouth. Hermione shook her head at him fondly while handing him her unused folded napkin.

"Fhanks," he said accepting her napkin. "Oye you've molested it Hermione!" Laughing he unfolded it as Ginny impatiently cut in.

"I think Hermione's in love!" she said grinning. All eyes focused on Hermione for her reaction. She started at the three of them dumbly for a minute.

"What?" she said stupidly as if having never heard that term.

"It makes sense Hermione! You start to sit here so that you can have a perfect view of him, you're always staring off and daydreaming about something all the time, and you're always so secretive about where you go of some nights!"

Harry and Ron considered it for a moment then slowly nodded.

"Wow…Hermione in love?" Ron muttered. "So who is it?"

Hermione looked at all their expectant faces before she started laughing.

For some reason she was laughing very hard now. She had no idea what was driving her to laugh this insanely, but for some reason she couldn't stop. She was laughing so loud that the entire table at one point started looking down the table at her, she was sure that most everyone's eyes were on her now, but she didn't care, she still couldn't stop. She wasn't laughing at what Ginny said anymore, she was laughing because it felt good, she was laughing for him, she was laughing for times he couldn't laugh, and she was laughing for herself. It felt good to laugh so much after so long though. Professor Lupin needed to laugh more.

"Oh you three! I'm not in love with anyone!" she finally cried out when she had calmed down enough. She giggled softly at small breaks, wiping a tear that had slipped down her cheek.

"Maybe I could join the Secret Society of the Laughing People, what do you all think?"

Harry, Ron and Ginny started at her now confirmed that she really had, finally, gone mental.


	2. This girl is half his age

**Disclaimer: ** I wish I owned Remus…but sadly that is not the case, just like I don't own Harry potter…or the sting/police lyrics.

Don't Stand So Close To Me This Girl is Half His Age 

"_Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't_

_matter." Jack Benny_

Hermione walked into his classroom, and where it would have been a simple choice of where to sit before, this time she paused. Looking at the front row seats, to the middle to the back. She almost walked to the back before realizing that would look too suspicious, after all Hermione Granger never sits at the back of a classroom, that would be going against her own unwritten classroom rules. She quickly walked towards the front desks and put her book down so that she would be sitting facing the professor's table. Squaring her shoulders as Harry and Ron took seats next to her she took out her wand and gripped it in her hand tightly. Then realizing how ridiculous that looked she relaxed her grip on her wand as she heard the bell signaling the beginning of the class.

He walked in and quietly shut the door behind him. He was always so graceful. Her eyes followed every movement he made; he was just as graceful walking around in a classroom as he was walking around in the dark shadows of the forbidden forest.

"Good Afternoon," Professor Lupin gave a sort of half smile to the class as he set his worn briefcase on the table. The class, which no doubt, was expecting a lesson on some exciting creature, seemed more or less disappointed when Lupin gave orders to keep their books out and wands away. This wasn't like his usual interesting classes, but most everyone understood the reason why.

As Hermione flipped to the chapter they had been assigned to read, she studied him. He looked exhausted, she noticed. Hermione frowned at his weary presence and tattered robes. She could see that he had tried to make an effort. His robes had been patched up the best they could in their situation, and he had acquired new letters to replace the peeling ones for his briefcase. Why he was this drained, Hermione couldn't figure out. The full moon was three weeks away, and all he had been doing was teach. Maybe he needed an assistant, Hermione thought to herself. Then she mentally chided herself for being such a pathetic idealistic. What a cliché that would be, an obsessed lovesick schoolgirl working as an assistant for her professor.

She looked at him again, as her fingers unconsciously ran up and down her book. He was sitting at his table, pouring over a long piece of parchment as he rapidly wrote on another parchment. His fingers and wrist moving in rhythm to a beat she did not recognize, but understood. She watched his ink stained hands; he had beautiful hands. Hermione smiled vaguely as she pictured Professor Lupin as an artist. An artist, the word had it's own aura of mystique.

Distracted she kept gazing at him, now twirling her quill much like she had been twirling her fork the other night. He abruptly looked up from his work to find himself again, as if being pulled by some invisible magnetic field source staring into her eyes. Hermione's head jerked up but their gaze kept contact. She'd never felt so much sympathy and desire for one human being ever before. She could smell the sensual musk and pure electric passion that seemed to beat through his pulses and a hunger so great erupted warmly in the center of her stomach, spreading through her veins until she was left shaking with hunger. His eyes widened, and Hermione would see his jaw working and his fists clenched together tightly against his thigh. _Don't deny yourself any longer._

He broke eye contact again, looking down at his work, and then back up at her. Clearing his throat he stood up. Her hands slid down to her heaving breasts, and up to her mouth to cover her shaky breath.

"Hermione?" he said softly, as if dealing with an animal about to attack if not dealt with correctly. He took a few steps toward her as Hermione jerked out of her trance like state. Then, as if someone had just turned the volume back up from mute, all kinds of noises rushed back through her ears into her head. She turned to find Harry and Ron standing beside her with an unreadable strange look on their faces. She jumped up from her seat causing the chair to fall back from her sudden movement. She could feel her face temperature rising as she hurriedly mumbled an apology and bent down to pick up the fallen chair.

She could feel his gaze upon her as she collected her books and started stuffing them into her backpack. Pushing the chair back in she rushed past Harry and Ron to stumble out the door. Just as she was out the door she suddenly stopped, sharply whirled back around to stick her head in the room to find all three men staring at her.

Harry and Ron, both hiding wicked grins, strode to the door to follow Hermione, who had already disappeared again.

"Well that was interesting," Harry said quietly, "See you tomorrow Professor Lupin!" he shouted before catching up with Hermione and Ron. They immediately started getting lectured by Hermione, who seemed to have returned to her normal state, but still modeling a bright red face.

"Don't even start about what happened! I am NOT in 'love' with anyone, I was just really tired from all the stress, and work I have piled up that I haven't even started on…" Hermione finished lamely, blowing the hair off of her face.

"Ya, Hermione, sure that's what you're worried about," Ron said laughing sarcastically.

"Why don't you just tell us who it is?" Harry asked gently, "Or do you not trust us enough with that kind of thing?" He said mockingly as they reached the common room.

"Ofcourse I trust you both! If I didn't I wouldn't stuck with being your friend for six years now could I? This is getting more and more ridiculous everyday!" Hermione muttered striding past them and up the girls dormitory for the rest of the day.

Pushing the covers off of her, Hermione carefully padded across the room towards the window. Pushing the sheer curtains aside she looked up at the practically full round moon. It had already been three weeks since her spasm of ecstasy in his presence. In _his_ presence. Pouring herself a glass of water, she gazed down at the forest. Hermione quickly checked on the beds next to her, satisfied that their occupants were peacefully snoring.

Hermione breathed in the fresh air as she crossed across the courtyard towards the Dark forest. She understood why he came out here every night. Hugging herself to ward off the slight chill in the October air, she smiled in content at the peaceful moments the forest offered in its dark haven. She gazed out into the endless eternity of dark shadows and breeze hovering comfortably above her. How many times had she come out here and have the strong urge to run across these sacred woods? She wanted to relish in the wild moment of free abandon. To have her curls flow freely through the wind, have her body loose all sense and let the animal in her take over. Is that what transforming without the pain and constant agony feel like? Is that what he wished he could transform to tomorrow night? She started humming softly as she followed his usual trail through the dense trees.

The hairs on the back of his neck rose slightly. It was so very beautiful. His eyes closed on their own accord as he heard the haunting melody vibrating through the whistling breeze in the air. It filled him with a dangerous wanting.

"Hermione?" the husky voice floated through the air behind her, causing her to whip around to face her teacher as the music in her throat died.

He walked towards her, the branches and dry leaves crumbling beneath his steps. She nervously twisted the zipper on the front of the jacket she had quickly thrown on before sneaking down to the grounds. Her heart beat thudded louder and quicker as he neared, sending her a small smile.

"What are you doing down here Hermione?" he asked softy, frowning.

"I…I just…" she didn't know what to say. She had been so consumed with finally running into her professor, that she forgot about the consequences of being found out late. Although for some reason she had never pictured getting into trouble for anything when it came to Professor Lupin. Why had she thought that way? Why would he treat her any different from all the other students? Knowing him just a little bit outside of school didn't mean she would get special treatment.

"I just wanted to take a stroll outside, I wasn't feeling too good, I guess I didn't realize how late it was…" she said, her eyes moving from one towering tree to another. Remus moved closer to her as he stared down at the mass of wild curls covering Hermione's face from him. His slight movement caused Hermione's head to lift up and look into his amber eyes curiously.

"I'm sorry," she said looking him in the eye. His breath hitched in his throat as he fixed his gaze upon Hermione. His hands immediately curled into fists and he pressed them deep into his sides. He tried to give her a reprimanding stare, but understood her need.

"Well, I guess I'll walk you back to your common room," he said, smiling and stepping aside to let her pass. Her eyes dropped and a small frown seemed to settle on her mouth. The sight caused him to sigh wearily, but his gaze didn't leave her frowning lips. Against his will, his fingers uncurled, and curled again, his jaw clenched stubbornly, not wanting to give in. Suddenly, on impulse, he ran his finger slowly over her bottom lip and down the curve of her throat. His fingers froze over her neck and he could feel the rapid beating of her pulse under his touch. She unconsciously stepped closer, and closer still until she could hear the rustle of his sweater against her clothes. She pressed closer still until he closed his eyes with his fingers still on her throat, pleasure seeping through his veins at the feeling of her breasts pressed against his chest.

His eyes narrowed into a dark smoky amber as his head slightly tilted to one side. A whisper of breeze floated around Hermione, lifting her hair off her shoulders exposing the pale skin of her throat and chest. Shivering she pushed herself closer, letting her warm breath slowly hit the base of Remus's throat. She didn't know where this boldness had come from, nothing made sense at the moment except that there was a man she has desired for so very long, and she wasn't doing to deny herself any longer.

She could feel Remus's muscles tense, and shudder as she let her mouth linger lightly over his skin. His fingers curled the base of her throat and tried to nudge some distance between their bodies.

"Hermione…" his voice was husky, his pupils beginning to dilate to black.

Hermione closed her eyes, enjoying the pent up pressure and passion inside Remus. Hermione could feel the rhythm of his pulse as she savored the scent of the sandalwood musk. She felt the low rumble in his throat.

Dipping his head, he abruptly captured her lips in his softly. Hermione's head felt dizzy as he caught her lips again and again, his tongue sliding past her lips and into her mouth. Tasting him made all of her mad urges of passion real. Hermione skimmed her hands across chest and into his soft brown hair. The kiss was gentle, as gentle as sugar quills and melting chocolate, so gentle it made Hermione's heart tremble. A bird, a bird was being set lose inside her body. It was fluttering too fast; it was taking the oxygen out of her body. She felt Remus pull away, the bird in her chest was beating its wings still, it was gilding through the wind to be locked up in its cage once more. Hermione reopened her eyes to find Remus peering into hers with unease. She blinked and suddenly the urge to look away came upon her, as if what had just happened had shocked her or shamed her.

He stepped away, releasing her, as if just understanding the entire meaning of what they had just shared. What rules and trusts he had just broken, what he had just done to his student, James son's friend. She was half his age!

He glanced back at her; she was still looking away, her eyes wide, her hand on her heart. She turned to look at him, he was sure, positive infact, for a moment that he saw something other than confusion in her eyes. Passion, something he was sure was being mirrored in his own. A strange look seemed to come over her face and a soft smile almost started playing on her lips.

"I'll see you tomorrow in class, Professor Lupin," she said softly, her eyes seemed dazed, and she walked away towards the castle. Remus gaped at her fading form; his eyes following the gentle swaying of her hips as she walked away from him.

Le Grimoire, Dracula5555, and TrinityDD- **Thanks for reviewing**

**I hope you guys liked this chapter too!**


	3. Sometimes it's not so easy to be the tea...

  
**Disclaimer:** I didn't write the Harry Potter books, neither do I want to be trying to write 600 paged novels with about a million fans putting tension on me to finish the 600 pages…which I really never would end up doing anyways …maybe in about 50 years I can manage half of it…(I'll read them and that's all) 

IHeartDrakieRonnie, Dracula5555, ClumsyWitch, abesapien, (yes their definitely TOO many time-turner fics around, I mean I love some of them, but it gets a bit annoying after a while, and I thought one without it actually shows more of how their characters understand each other even with their age difference, their teacher-student relationship, and family and friends around) LupinLovesTonks, Aljinon, kittykatekat, TrinityDD, and LunaRoseAF (I love your new fic!)**Thanks all of you guys! I love getting your reviews, Makes my writing feel appreciated Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**Sometimes Its Not So Easy To Be The Teachers Pet**

_Her friends are so jealous_

_You know how bad girls get_

_Sometimes it's not so easy_

_To be the teachers pet_

Students filed into Professor Lupin's classroom, quickly taking their seats and placing their books on their tables, chattering in loud voices with their friends. Lavender and Parvati seated themselves across the row from Hermione, Ron and Harry. Their loud giggling and gossiping was staring to invite a throbbing in Hermione's temple. She caught snippets of their gossip, while wishing for the bell to ring so they would all shut up.

"I read up Jason's and Erika's astrological match yesterday, it's no wonder why that relationship went under!" Parvati and Lavender giggled at that, as if sharing an inside joke with Lavender.

"Ofcourse, you were the one who made it turn out that way Parvati!" they both giggled crazily at that statement.

"You know I had to! Their relationship was forecasted for disaster! The movement and crossing of Venus and Jupiter was all wrong! I wasn't that bad…" Parvati sneered.

"Or were you?" Lavender shot back with a sly grin. "Come on Parvati, more like you hate Erika! You never even told me all the details of what happened that night!"

Parvati's dark brown eyes gleamed as she started to retell the night's events to her friend. Hermione's mind drifted away from the two girls conversation, she wasn't really to keen on finding out what exactly happened that night with this Jason and Parvati.

Her mind drifted instead, to what events that occurred the previous night with Remus and her. It had been so sudden, so…delicious. Hermione furiously shook her head at that, no, no she wasn't about to start thinking about her teacher that way again. She had to stop before something else happened; it was dangerous, not only for herself, but much more for Remus. Not only could Remus lose his job, which is what was probably keeping him alive, but he could also lose Harry's and Ron's and the entire Weasleys and Dumbledore's trust. She definitely didn't want that to happen, that would be the most horrible thing she could do to him, even more than deny him…or herself.

Besides, it didn't even mean anything! Hermione understood that sometimes people lost control and feel the need to distract them with something else. This time the distraction had been her. She didn't mind being the distraction this time because of who the man was. Remus deserved some understanding; he didn't get a whole lot of it. He didn't get a whole lot of respect, jobs, caring, money, or love…

As class started Lupin began handing out their essay's, which had been homework the night before. He works himself too hard, Hermione thought as he laid her essay down on her table, pausing slightly, confusion showing in his eyes he began to say something, then deciding against it, he smiled vaguely at her and moved on to the desks behind her. Hermione turned her paper over, content with the one hundred percent grade and excellent remarks for her work. Parvati slid over and peered at Hermione's essay, her own paper in her hands. Hermione could see the 74 scrawled on it clearly. Parvati sighed and turned back to Lavender, " I wish I could satisfy Professor Lupin's needs like Hermione does to get grades like her" she said slyly as Remus passed them.

Hermione gaped at the giggling twosome angrily before rolling her eyes at their idiotic and immature behavior and turning back to her work. Keeping her eyes down on her essay, she refused to look up to see Remus's expression, knowing he had heard it.

"Don't wait up for me you two!" Hermione said as climbed out the portrait to go to the library. Harry and Ron were too busy involved in their intense chess game to really even hear what she had been saying, and she wouldn't be surprised to come back and find them both awake and angry at her for keeping them up so late with worry. She walked down the emptying hallways, it was not even seven yet, and the fast dimming light outside only aged six. Yet the students were retreating to their dormitories, some ready to go to bed after the week's exhaustion from tests, teachers, homework, Peeves and some ready to party away the coming night in their dormitories.

As she passed some of the classrooms, she saw Professor Lupin struggling to lock up the DADA room quickly, piles of parchments and textbooks in his arms. She stopped, her feet moving forward to help them until her brain caught up and halted all action. Before she would have helped him out without even thinking much about it, but after the incident in the classroom and the night before she didn't want to face him.

Hermione quickly walked past him, looking down at her feet as she hurriedly walked down the hallway. Looking behind her back, glad to find him gone she breathed a sigh of relief as she entered the library. Madam Pince was bent over some last books left to stack away. Hermione quietly hurried into the tall dominating bookshelves and stayed hidden in the shadows until she heard Madam Pince look up and leave.

Leaving the dark corner she took in a deep breath, stretching her arms above her and smiling fondly at the books surrounding her. She muttered a lighting spell to illuminated the dark room once more. Though the lighting was a much too dim, it would do, after all, the moon was going to be full tonight.

She looked out the large ceiling to floor windows, it had been almost two hours since six o'clock. The moon was finally out, sometimes peeking behind thin sheer puffs of clouds floating around it, but unmistakably full. Hermione shivered, shifting on the broad windowsill she was perched on, to turn to look out at the night. She dimmed the lights until there was none but the illumination from the bright voluptuous goddess of moon. She felt strangely peaceful she bathed in the vibrant moonlight. The mysterious rays seemed to be lulling her to sleep, their gentle fingers lovingly caressing her like a mother would caress her child's hair while singing a lullaby.She sighed softly,her eyes dropping down, the cool inviting breeze around her becoming the only thing stirring for the hours to come until early morning.

Only once did the peaceful girl stir in the dead of night, her gaze directed down at the dark depths of the forest, and the next morning she would swear she saw a creature running through the tall trees with wild abundant before she was lulled with strong sleep again.

Imaginary shadows flickering on the dimly lit walls finally died out as the last burning torch blew out within seconds. Hermione pushed down the slipping silvery material of Harry's invisibility cloak to cover her head again. The heavy books in her arms aggravating her shoulders and back with it's loaded weight. Hermione quietly walked across the large windows, breathing in the crisp air of autumn, the early morning inviting the various creatures of nature to rise along with the sun.

Hermione arched her back and rolled her shoulders, stiff from her windowsill bed last night. She entered the common room, rolling her eyes at the two figures fast asleep on the sofa in front of the fire. She lay her books down on her bed before going back downstairs with light mattresses to drape over the two boys half laying half upright sleeping forms. She smiled softly as she watched the rise and fall of Ron's chest as he snored lightly. His right arm was carelessly flung across Harry's chest, and his left arm had knocked over Harry's glasses, while his legs were hanging down the sofa. Harry was already beginning to slowly slide down the sofa, his back tucked into the corner.

Hermione picked up Harry's glasses and laid them on the small table beside the sofa, as she reached out to ruffle his hair. She carefully lifted Ron's arm off of Harry's head and placed it on the armrest. Laughing softly to herself she made her way upstairs again to go shower and get ready for breakfast, her stomach was grumbling a little too loudly.

Hermione entered the great hall, it was mostly empty save a few students scattered around the tables. On her way she had shaken Harry and Ron awake and send them back up their dormitories with orders to go shower. She knew them, and most boy's nature, well enough to know that they were now snoring the morning away on their beds, and she hoped it was their own respective bed they were snoring away on.

She seated herself on the far corner of the mostly empty Gryffindor table, serving herself some hot oatmeal. He probably won't be up all day today, Hermione thought as she stirred in some brown sugar. She knew that even though the Wolfbane prevented the wolf from taking over, it still did nothing to numb the effects and exhaustion of transforming.

She idly wondered for a moment about bringing him some breakfast, he did need something to eat, and she doubted whether he would bother eating anything at all today. She didn't want to do it though, not right now, she didn't want to talk to him. Hermione scraped the edge of the wooden table contemplating whether or not to go see him. It's not as if he's never done this before, she thought, but it wasn't as if he would ever bother start doing something healthy.

After draining her cup of pumpkin juice she quickly made her way down the passageway leading towards the kitchens. Upon entering she was immediately greeted by curious houseelves wiping their tiny flour stained hands on their aprons, eager to help her. Hermione smiled down at a seemingly young elf looking overly eager and excited and politely asked him if he could deliver a breakfast tray to Professor Lupin's when he entered his chambers to do the cleaning. The grinning house elf, Rodney, nodded eagerly causing his great ears to flap about his head.

Satisfied, Hermione left the kitchens to make her way towards the boy's dormitories once more, ready to bring out the water jugs and hear the boys screaming like little girls at the sensation of icy cold water down their heads and pillows.

Remus lifted his head for a moment, having the energy to only look out his window to see the bright sun peeking through the bare branches of the already frozen trees of November. It had been a rough night; he had almost not made it in time, almost forgotten to take his potion and almost had a run in with Hermione out in the forest again. Groaning he let his head drop into his pillow again, the covers slipping off his naked body. He heard a faint knock on his door accompanied by a squeaky voice. Gesturing his hand at the table without even lifting his head he mumbled a muffled thanks to the elf.

He wouldn't touch the tray until about dinnertime, but he was getting used to the tray arriving every month now. It had been arriving for three months now, the first time it was delivered he had been greatly surprised and touched. It had touched something deep within him, perhaps the wolf. Such a simple gesture of kindness had made him feel so touched and warm. It took him two months to figure out who it was before he figured it was Hermione.

The way she never spoke directly to him, but prodded gently with her curious eyes, asking himhow he was. Those caring eyes told him a lot more than if she had asked him with words, he understood that she cared about him in a way, he didn't understand what want, he didn't want to understand what way. There was too much risk involved into him getting attached to anyone, any human being in any way. His involvements with the Order stopped him most of the time.

He was too used to being alone, and he had accepted the fact that he would remain alone after some lessons he had learned from his past. She had shown kindness, the first girl aside from Lily who had ever shown kindness toward him while knowing his secrets. She was so much like Lily…if only Harry knew how much. But there were some things, thought Remus, frowning, that Harry did not need to ever know. She was more understanding than most girls, especially her age... Remus sighed wearily before letting his tired head drop down on his pillow again. He didn't want to take advantage of it.


	4. Temptation Frustration

Hermione started out into the lake, it had frozen over due to the biting December cold. She rubbed her hands together, trying to create enough friction to warm her cold hands. Her heavy jacket and scarf were pulled closely to her body, her cheeks and nose tinged pink. She traced circles in the fresh snow, looking up into the sky, watching the owls flying to and from Hogwarts, carrying cards and heavy Christmas packages.

She loved Christmas, it left her feeling loved and appreciated. She always got into a festive mood hearing Christmas songs, seeing Hogwarts all decorated, and thinking about the Christmas holidays that allowed her to spend time with family and friends.

She recalled last year when they had to spend Christmas at Grimmauld Place because of the incident with Mr. Weasley and the snake. Stuffing her hands deeper into her sleeves, Hermione idly wondered how Remus spent his Christmas. Who did he spend it with? He must have spent it with Sirius and the other Order members. Who would he spend it with now? Tonks was on a mission for the Order, trying to find information about Death Eaters, using her skills as a metamorphagus to blend in with them. It was very dangerous; if she were caught, she would be killed instantly. She had been persistent, though, and with Moody's training, Dumbledore had let her. Hermione had a feeling that this mission had originally been for Remus. She shivered slightly as a blast of cold air struck her face, chilling her ears and nose. It was selfish or her, but she was very happy that he had not gone.

Hermione remembered the urgent meeting called after Snape returned with information about Voldemort's plans to involve werewolves, along with dementors and giants in the war. She knew Remus and many others would never join willingly, but she also knew that Voldemort had his ways, and if he really wanted it, he would somehow make the werewolves his allies.

Dumbledore had suggested that Remus stay at Hogwarts by joining the staff again, this way he would be protected, and there was simply no way he could go on the mission. Hermione sat in the cold, shivering miserably. What if he had ended up going on the mission? She did not want to think about it.

She smiled warmly at some first years having a snowball fight in the far distance. Their laughter carried to her and she leaned her head back, remembering the times when she, Harry, Ron had snowball fights in the past. Her thoughts shifted rapidly, not being able to concentrate on those carefree memories. With the weight of the war and Harry, she felt overwhelmed. Suddenly Hermione felt old, weary and tired. How were they ever going to get through this? If they did, it seemed like such a long, impossible journey. Hermione did not feel like continuing anymore, and for one fleeting moment she wondered about how it would be to have never known any of this and have lived as a muggle. She smiled sadly at that thought. Without this world, she would have been nothing like she was now.

_At least I would not have carried this burden…_

Sighing, Hermione kicked the snow, watching it falling on the ice and melting slowly on the crystal lake. Hermione realized that many people shared her burden. She had no reason to complain when mostly everyone felt as she did. Being a muggle would just mean she would die without knowing why she died or what exactly was happening to the world. She would have lived life happily, without a thought or worry about her best friend dying or Voldemort rising, or her teacher being captured and tortured. He was her teacher.

She looked into the blurry trees as the sky darkened to a dark purple hue, and the sun's last rays mixed with the night's blanket of stars and the moon.

The world held too much prejudice. He might be older, he might be a werewolf, and he might be poor, but in the end, did any of it really matter? He was doing so much for so many people, people who hated and feared him, and did not realize or acknowledge his favors. He was helping to keep Voldemort at bay, risking his own life for the same people who spit on him and refused him job that he needed just to get by. She closed her eyes, letting the cold breeze brush her eyelashes. A clear image of Remus filled her mind. He was her golden statue, he was her holy bible, and he was the virtues and the sins. He was her god.

He stepped quietly into the library, knowing she would be there. It was dark, too dark for any reading. It always was. He counted to the eleventh bookcase, turning at the corner and taking his place in the protection of the shadows. He watched her; she was on the windowsill as always.

She was not exactly asleep, but he could see her head tilting into her arms, her eyelids drooping down, and then springing back up, trying to stay awake. He sighed softly, laying his head in his arms, simply watching her. The beams illuminated the side of her face and the rise of her cheekbone bathed in pure moonlight. Her eyes were warm and drowsy, her curls spilling around her, her lips full and soft. His heartbeat raced faster, his hands were tempted to reach forward, get closer, and call out her name. He waited for her to start singing; he knew she would. He was not sure if she even knew she sang in her sleep, much like sleepwalkers would journey out where their feet took them.

Her head finally dropped down, and he watched and waited. Hours went by until it was late into the night, though not yet morning. The tune began slipping from her throat, her head rising, her eyes still closed. The sound vibrated throughout the space, the walls and ceiling humming in tune with her. It was low and uncertain at first, soft and almost a whisper running through the air.

Strange melodies were spilling out of her mouth, blending with the vibrations that filled the room. The pace began picking up, and it was causing every molecule in his body to vibrate along with the beat. Every sub-atomic particle became energy again, instead of one solid object, humming and slapping as if playing the drums. Remus could feel the pressure pushing against his body as she sang louder and faster, her ethereal voice calling out to the beast within him. His hair standing on edge, and he relished in the shivers it sent coursing through his blood. The strong beat of his heart thudded in rhythm to her song. He felt like losing control. Time seemed to stand still as she held the last quivering note, her voice ringing with passion, her mysterious tune feeding the hunger in his soul. The second passed and it all died down, leaving his aching body yearning for more.

He wiped the sweat off his brow, getting up on his shaky legs, his trembling hands reaching out to steady himself. Panting he rested his forehead against the wood shelf. The wood was warm. It seemed as if every object in the room had danced to and joined Hermione's desperate cries. The atoms were still stringing themselves together, forcing the material to connect again. He turned his head slightly to look at her. She was asleep again. It was as if this mysterious ritual had never even occurred.

Sometimes he felt that she was calling out to him. He blamed her; he resented her for being so cruel. It was almost as if she was purposely calling out to the monster residing within him, the one he had so carefully locked away deep within his body. She was trying to unlock its rattling cage, knowing there was a monster within; she taunted it with a key of silver. Sometimes he could hear it preparing for battle, hear it beating on his chest, hear it growl and bite before retreating into its prison. It was giving him a warning and Remus knew it. The beast was like a volcano promising to erupt and destroy. Remus clenched his jaw, forcing the beast inside as he watched Hermione's breasts rise and fall with her rhythmic breathing.

His eyes softened as he ran his gaze along the bridge of her nose, the innocent pout of her lips. She was asleep, she would never know. Slowly, and carefully, his body contorted with concentration and restraint, he allowed the beast to run its trembling fingers along the curve of her breast. His veins flooded with desire, the blood his heart was pumping throughout his body was the venom of temptation. Her eyes flickered as she moaned softly in her deep slumber. Snatching his hands away from her sleeping form, he tried to still the racing of his heart. He chained the monster tightly; making sure the cage locked before gazing at her one last time. Then he retreated away from her untainted world.

Hermione awoke again in the early hours of the morning, stretching. She breathed in the lingering aroma of sandalwood, a soft knowing smile immediately touching her lips. She shook her hair out, breathing in deeply, the first few rays of sun touching and warming her body. Closing her eyes and leaning her head back, she lazily traced her finger down the curve of her breasts. Her body felt revived, the world around her seemed to be bursting with new delicious flavors. The moment seemed timeless. The rays of sun continued to warm her body, also flooding the room with heat and light. It was filling her heart with desire and lust, with hopes and promises.

Hermione grabbed onto her flying scarf for the fifth time, grumbling at it as it tried to unwind it self from around her neck. Laughing, Ron caught it and tugged on it, running ahead if her, scarf still in hand, forcing her to run along with him.

"Ron! Ron, stop it!" Hermione yelled, chasing him along the edge of the Shrieking Shack.

Harry and Ginny, already inside the shack, turned around to look at the two of them running in the snow, both after a scarf. Laughing they turned back around to resume whatever they had been talking about before Hermione and Ron had rudely interrupted.

"Hermione, what boy gave you this scarf?" Ron yelled over their laughter. Their footprints were scrambled because of their ridiculous attempt to chase each other at the same time. Eventually Ron tugged her scarf a little too hard, making Hermione stumble against him, bringing them both down into the piles of snow. Breathless with laughter, her red cheeks and nose warm, Hermione immediately frowned at what Ron had questioned. Hermione shifted off Ron and laid down beside him, both of them staring up into the vast, blue skies.

"What do you mean 'Who gave this to me'?" Hermione finally answered.

Ron turned his head to the right to look at his friend. "I meant who gave that scarf to you? I've never seen it before, that's all," Ron shrugged, looking back up at the sky.

Hermione shifted to face him, her weight supported by the elbow. Brushing the snow off her face, she grinned at Ron's uneasiness with dealing with such topics.

"My parents gave me this scarf for my birthday, I just never got to use it until now," she replied, her grin growing wider as Ron quickly turned to look at her again, his face scrunched up in apology, hoping she wouldn't blow up at him again for bringing up the subject. Laughing, Hermione sprang up, shaking her hair out and replacing the scarf around her neck. Nothing would make her angry or sad today, she had decided so earlier that morning. She deserved this, and so did her friends. She reached out a hand to Ron, who was still in the snow.

"I like this side of you, Hermione! You should be more like this," Ron nodded decidedly.

A mischievous smile playing on her face, Hermione stole Ron's gloves away as he extended his hand to reach her. Loud laughter and cursing followed them as Hermione ran away from him at top speed toward Harry and Ginny, Ron struggling to get up out of the snow to retrieve his stolen glove.

Sliding her finger past the novels stacked up on the shelves, Hermione paid close attention, trying to find one particular title. She could hear Harry, Ron's and Ginny's impatient groaning about spending too much time in the book store, along with exited comments about something new in the Quidditch store around the corner. Hermione sighed as she finished another shelf with no luck. Hopes of finding this muggle novel began seeming less likely. She gestured for the three to go ahead without her, knowing they'd eventually drag her out by physical means if they didn't get to that Quidditch store soon.

Ginny was already out the door, with Harry and Ron struggling to fit through the small doorframe at the same time.

"We'll see you at Three Broomsticks in an hour, Hermione!" Harry called out before he left the bookstore to join the two Weasleys.

Hermione resumed her search on another bookshelf. There were not a whole lot of shelves dedicated to muggle literature. Sighing, Hermione put her full attention into finding the novel, intent on buying it.

After almost half an hour of going through the shelves she found it. One lone copy was sitting in the corner, nestled between Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet and the wooden shelf. Grinning at her success, she picked up the copy and took it to the counter. While handing the book to the bored woman behind the counter, a stack of bookmarks caught her eye. One of the bookmarks showed a forest, and in the sky above it sat a golden sun in the middle of a bright blue canvas sky. As you watched, the ripe golden sun began setting into the dusky red horizon and a gibbous moon and twinkling stars appeared in the dark night sky. Hermione stared at the transformation, feeling enchanted by it. Picking up the black metal bookmark, she placed it atop the counter, paying for it as well.

Hermione found herself early, or maybe the other three were late. She sighed and got her book out; she would not be surprised if they were more than a couple of minutes late. Ordering a butterbeer for herself and getting comfortable in the corner seat by the large window, she began reading the novel.

She was almost a quarter through the three hundred paged novel before Harry, Ron and Ginny arrived, bustling in, chattering about their new possessions and purchased Christmas presents. Apologizing, they all seated themselves around her, ordering more butterbeers. She put her book away, wanting to enjoy the rest of Christmas Eve with her friends.

Remus pushed his hands deep into his black trench coat's pockets, trying to shrug the lightly falling snow off his hair. Hogsmeade looked extremely cozy with Christmas trees, lights and mistletoe hung in every shop. The thick snow was covering the narrow cobbled brick streets. It brought back many Hogwarts memories of Sirius, James, Peter, and Lily. She had always been happiest during Christmas. She had loved seeing all the decorations and the warmth the cozy bookshops gave, or having hot butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks. In his mind, he could clearly see an image of a grinning Lily, snow in her vibrant red hair, her bright green eyes glowing with joy, and a brightly striped scarf that clashed horribly with her hair wrapped around her neck, given to her by James as a gift.

Shaking his head, he let his hair fall into his eyes, blurring the bright lights that were suddenly glaring at him, which had moments ago been so inviting. He could make out the Three Broomsticks sign on his right, and he put his palm on the door, looking into the windows, wanting to escape from the glaring lights in the dimly lit pub. What he saw through the windows made him stop.

He stood in the street, his hand still outstretched towards the door, looking at Hermione's joyous face as she teased Harry and a brightly blushing Ginny about something, sipping her butterbeer at intervals. She had her coat folded neatly on the back of her chair, revealing her bright red sweater and striped scarf wound loosely around her shoulders. Her grinning face lit her bright eyes as she leaned back in her chair, content, as Ron and Harry conversed animatedly, their hands waving about in the air. Ginny smiled at Harry softly while striking up a light conversation with Hermione. The two young women were gesturing at the two ridiculous men beside them lovingly, laughing behind their hands.

Remus stood outside their world, separated by the glass, and time. It began snowing heavily, thick white snow floating merrily to the ground in Christmas spirit. He didn't belong there, he had already had his chance, and he had missed it fifteen years ago. He was fifteen years too late, and he didn't want to make Hermione miss her chance and regret it, as he did, when the chance died.

"Excuse me, Mister," a voice came from behind him. Remus quickly withdrew his hand from the door, murmuring an apology. Abruptly he turned back, his tall form retreating towards the castle.

Remus sighed deeply, seating himself in front of the fire, gulping down his glass of firewhiskey. The bottle had been opened just tonight, in celebration, and it was already almost empty.

"This-this is-s all for you," Remus muttered, raising his glass shakily in toast to some invisible spirit seated in the seemingly empty and worn armchair across from him. He grinned lopsidedly, his words slurring as he muttered nonsense words to the empty room long late into the night before finally, the glass slipping from his grip, he fell asleep in his chair, alone in the early Christmas morning.


	5. Just Like The Old Man In That Book By Na...

Disclaimer: I promise I'm broke, which means I'm definitely not Rowling. And I do not own Lolita, the passages I have quoted in here all belong to Vladimir Nabakov.

**Just Like the Old Man in That Book By Nabakov**

_Loose talk in the classroom _

_To hurt they try and try_

_Strong words in the staff room_

_The accusations fly_

_It's no use, he sees her_

_He starts to shake and cough_

_Just like the old man in_

_That book by Nabakov_

Remus cast a weary glance at the students exiting his classroom. Hermione was not there. No need to worry, he kept telling himself, it was just the mild flu going around the school. Madam Pomfrey was handling the situation, armed with bottles of Pepper-Up potion and bossily marching around the school. She had stuffed some potion down his throat just yesterday morning, when she had found him roaming aimlessly around the hallways.

Remus looked up at the chattering Parvati and Lavender. He was tired of them constantly taunting Hermione, even when she wasn't present to _be_ taunted. He kept reminding himself it was not appropriate to yell at a student and instead he coldly interrupting their sly little comments today. They had immediately stopped to survey him, almost accusingly, before wide giggly smiles decorated their faces again as they apologized and simpered. They were the most irritating pair of girls he had ever had the unfortunate fate of meeting. Rubbing his temples, Remus thoughts floated to Hermione, his mind unconsciously comparing her to the girls.

It was not that Hermione was perfect; actually, she was not perfect at all. Her hair was bushy, her height was too short, she was too shrill and impatient, and sometimes selfish when she wanted to be. She was never going to be perfect. Who was?

She was adorable. Remus sighed as he pictured her soft, impossibly curly hair and the cute way she tweaked her nose at times when trying to get to the higher bookshelves in the library. He smiled, thinking fondly of her frequent eye rolling and her enthusiastic voicing when she had discovered something new or exciting.

His next class had already began piling in and taking their seats. Remus slid the book that was lying on his desk onto his lap. He fingered the binding, remembering how he had received it on Christmas almost a month ago.

The elf had brought it along with a whole tray of Christmas breakfast. It had been lying next to the goblet of pumpkin juice. It was not wrapped, but a bookmark was sticking out from it. Curiously, he had picked it up after thanking the elf. The title read _Lolita._ He had flipped through it vaguely, finally reaching the pages where the bookmark had been pressed. It was towards the end of the book.

Reading the few pages, he had sat on the edge of his bed, his mind racing with confusing and overwhelming theories and thoughts. Picking up the bookmark, he had stared at the transforming day and night cycle. It had not been a pleasant Christmas day, nor had it been a completely unpleasant one. He had simply spent almost all of it thinking about Hermione's present.

Remus turned to the same page, caressing it softly, wondering about what Hermione meant, and whether she did mean anything at all by it. He looked down at the page, certain passages standing out. His finger followed the lines as he read them.

"_You know, what's so dreadful about dying is that you are completely on your own"; and it struck me, as my automaton knees went up and down, that I simply did now know a thing about my darling's mind and that quite possibly, behind the awful juvenile clichés, there was in her a garden and a twilight, and a palace gate—dim and adorable regions which happened to be lucidly and absolutely forbidden to me… _

Remus sighed deeply, confused. His eyes went further down the page, his mind working furiously again, trying to figure out whether or not Hermione had simply liked the book and wanted him to read it, or whether she was trying to tell him something.

_I loved you. I was a pentapod monster, but I loved you. I was despicable and brutal, and turpid, and everything, _mais je t'aimais, je t'aimais!_ And there were times when I knew how you felt, and it was hell to know it, my little one. _

At times the book seemed to signify one meaning, and as Remus thought about it more, it started to possibly signify something else. He had hundreds of these hypotheses in his head, and none of them were ready to be theories. He was lost as to what Hermione wanted him to understand, he did not understand what she wanted, did not get what she meant by all this.

"Damnit, Hermione, I don't even understand what I want!" Remus ran his hands through his hair, frustrated because he wanted to understand, himself _and_ Hermione. The bell began ringing, loudly and clearly, pounding in his ears, mingling with the mocking laughter playing in his head.

Hermione placed her mouth over the tip of her quill, sucking on the pure sugary crystals. She was probably going to have a heart attack by the time she was in her twenties at this rate, Hermione grinned, looking down at the large amounts of sugar quill and chocolate boxes she had received for Christmas from Ron, and they were already almost empty. She stared out through the window at the clear skies sleeping above the thick mass of trees. Sighing, she picked up the black leather-bound journal again. It was beautiful; she had loved it the moment she had set eyes on it. Running her fingers over its engraved cover, she flipped to the page she had been writing on before she had left off in order to rush to Potions class. She had received it from Harry, it was very helpful in sorting out her feelings. The quills were supposed to be helpful, not that she could actually use them to write, but they were helpful in the fact that they satisfied the sugar cravings she often had.

Hermione reached for her real writing quill, continuing to finish her rampaging thoughts in the handsome journal.

_It's most definitely not right, this… whatever it is we share. I'm not sure if I can even label it yet. I can label it some things, like lust, but that's not right. Merlin, he's my teacher! He's 36 years old and I'm 16! It would be horrible if someone found out. Even if this does work, how would I tell Harry and Ron? Wouldn't they hate us? I would feel like I'd be stealing something, a bond from Harry. Just when he started to get closer to Remus, I'd be stealing that part away from him. He'd never look at Remus the same way as before, he wouldn't look at me the same way either. What about mum and dad? How would I explain it? Meet my professor mum and dad… Oh, and he also happens to be my… er… my what? My boyfriend? That doesn't even sound right. My… I have no other words. Remus. Remus Lupin. Remus John Lupin. His name's rather nice isn't it? _

_What about Dumbledore, how would he react? And what about all the other staff members, especially Snape? What about the students? If they ever found out... I don't want to care, I really don't. But somehow I feel like I should, and wouldn't it be reckless if I didn't? It's not like me to be reckless, I think about things before I act them out. I think about how it might turn out to be, the possibilities, the risks… of course, when I run into something I didn't expect I tend to freeze up and not know what to do. I don't think I'd want to risk it. I want him. I want him very much. And those visits at night tell he wants this just as much as I do. We shouldn't risk it. _

_I don't even know how it happened, don't know why it happened, or the exact date of when it started happening. I don't think I should, we should, do anything for some probable loneliness and rash desires. I'd end up regretting this in the future, I know I would. And knowing him, he would too. He'd feel horrible, and more like a beast then he is (Not that he's a wild beast at all. I like to think and believe that he just has a part of him that wants to let go and be set free, for all the times he couldn't… for all the years he's lived on this earth, live it again, and this time enjoy them and make them his own, something he could treasure while dying). His guilt would ruin him._ _There isn't any way any of this could ever work out._

Hermione looked down at the pages she had filled, and probably many, many more she could fill. She wanted it to work. She would give it a chance if he was willing. She looked out the window again. It was dark, and the crescent moon was the only celestial body visible tonight. The thick clouds seemed to have covered all the stars. Hermione sighed, her eyes drooping of their own accord, her head tiredly falling into her arms. Wasn't he coming tonight? Hermione tried to wait longer. It was an hour almost before sleep gripped its strong arms around her and carried her away.

Remus stepped into the library. The side that prompted him to come here somehow won the debate that had been going on in his mind. He was instantly hit with the lingering smell of old books and ink. It was too quiet for Hermione to be awake. The deep burgundy carpet covering the floor padded his footsteps. Remus hesitantly stepped towards Hermione, who was sleeping soundly on the broad windowsill. In her limp hands she still held a quill, the ink dripping from it stained her fingers. Remus searched around her form, finally finding what she had been using the quill for.

It was a leather book of some sort. Flipping it over he saw the word journal clearly imprinted on the elegant covering. Remus began flipping through the pages before he paused. It was not right for him to look through her journal, her personal thoughts. He looked down at her, taking in the wild brown curls, her soft skin. He let his fingers slip through her soft hair, his heart sighing with relief at the touch. Curiosity gripped him strongly, and his hands began to turn the pages, as he read the content, each page revealing something new about Hermione. It was probably new, he figured, but already many of the pages were filled. Remus turned to the last page that had her scribbles on it. He surmised it was the one she had been writing on before she had fallen alseep.

The first line caught his attention right away. _It's most definitely not right, this… whatever it is we share. _His eyes narrowing, his forehead creasing as his eyes trailed down the page, his mind filling with dread as the words gave him more insight than anything else possibly could. Finally, at the last sentence, he closed the journal abruptly, pressing his hands to its leather sides, his eyes squeezing shut. He looked down at Hermione, and then at her journal still held in his hands. She was right, everything she had written down, all her thoughts were absolutely right_. I understood now_, Remus thought as he gently laid the book by her side again. Reaching out, he tenderly pushed a lock of hair away from her face, letting his thumb trace her cheek; he sadly looked again at the black journal again before pulling his hand away from the young woman and walking out of the library.

A/N-Please leave a reveiw after the beep!

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	6. So close to me

Chapter. 6

Disclaimer- 

Don't Stand So Close To Me

Don't stand…

Don't stand so…

Don't stand so close to me

Sliding the strap of her black Mary Janes shoes to ease her foot out Hermione neatly placed them by her schoolbag under the tree. She rolled her socks down and laid them by her shoes. Just as she was about to tie her hair back a loud splash interrupted. Many droplets of water showered her body and she covered her face with her arms.

"You know, I reckon even Snape himself takes less precaution then you do when he comes down to the lake!" Ron commented, "not that he would ever come down here…" he added as an after thought, his orange hair plastered to his head as he made his way over to Harry, who seemed to have jumped onto a not very happy squid tentacle.

Hermione dryly laughed before carefully dipping her feet into the refreshing cool water. She leaned back on her hands, lifting her face up to the warm sunrays. She let thoughts of Remus breeze about her mind, letting them tantalizingly linger around. A lazy smile drifted to her face as her thoughts carried her to a satisfying daydream.

"Have a nice weekend." Professor Lupin called out to the students leaving his classroom after class. He made his way behind his desk, organizing and stacking papers and setting them in his torn briefcase.

Hermione began putting her belongings away slowly, waiting until all the students had filed out, including Harry and Ron, to whom she had simply said she needed to talk to Lupin.

The last group of chattering students filed out and carelessly slammed the door. Professor Lupin was still behind his desk, unaware of the one student left standing in his empty classroom. Taking a deep breath to calm her nerves she made her way towards his desk cautiously. Upon reaching it she cleared her throat and addressed him softly.

Remus raised his eyes towards her, a smile already gracing his features as he began to say something. Realizing whom it was he stopped, staring at her for a moment before coughing slightly and looking down at his hands.

"Prof-

Hermione paused, that didn't seem quite an appropriate title now. She began again quietly.

"Remus…" her soft voice echoed softly in the room, bringing Remus's gaze back up to her. He seemed to be struggling to keep authority and maintain a calm demeanor.

"Ms. Granger," he responded, his hands limp at his sides now. Hermione looked away, nervously licking her lips. Opening her mouth Hermione looked for something to say, only to find Remus doing the same. Stopping immediately Hermione uncomfortably shifted from one foot to another. The walls of the room seemed to be pressing against her, closing in on her, urging her to say something, anything, to break the growing silence.

Clearing his throat Remus stepped out from behind his desk, carrying his briefcase in one hand and a stack of heavy parchments in the other.

"Well, I'll see you in class tomorrow Hermione," he said, giving her an uneasy smile and began walking towards the door.

Hermione's mind swirled into action as she reached to stop him.

"Wait!" she cried out, her hand lading on his arm. He stopped and silence took over the room again. Hermione gathered her courage as he turned slightly to face her. But seeing his face again seemed to drain her. She faltered, quickly snatching her hand back from his arm.

Remus sighed softly, gathering the stacks of parchment in his arm closer.

"Hermione," he began softly, "you don't have to feel the necessity to reveal anything you don't want to, I'll understand." Remus carefully guarded his expression.

Hermione glanced up with surprise, _what was he trying to say? _Her hands began to sweat, her thoughts a whirlpool of confusion and longing. She started into those kind eyes of his trying to find something else. Trying to search for the hidden treasure of abundant passion buried beneath its sunken depths. Her breath hitched in her throat as a flicker glimmered and flittered in and out with the dim lights partially splashed across his features. For so long they had been playing a lose-lose situation game, for so long they had seeked each other. Now Hermione was desperate to reach out and touch him. Touch him like she'd never been given the permission to before, explore with a free will. Her fingertips were burning to feel his skin, her legs aching with a real pain to wind themselves around his long body.

Hermione reached out and brushed her fingers along his jaw, leaning in to breath in his musky aroma. It seemed to mingle with her blood, filling her with greed and the mad urge to give herself to him completely. Her eyes were heavy lidded and filled with too much crazed lust to let shyness overtake again or see Remus's expression. Remus took a sharp intake of air, staring down into Hermione's dark eyes. Her arms were snaking around his neck and her lips found the warm lips they had been seeking. Pushing against his stubborn and shocked stillness she demanded his lips to respond. Standing on her toes she pressed her form to his body, feeling the course rustling of the parchments.

Her head was reeling from the sudden change in the atmosphere, the silence seemed to now be filled with a constant rushing. She heard the briefcase drop to the floor, feeling Remus's arm slide across her hips and up to her back. Responding to Hermione's kiss he ran his tongue along her lips, taking control he pushed her against the wide board behind them. Hermione vaguely felt the stack of parchments slide past her feet as they floated down to the ground. Both arms around her, Remus plunged his tongue into her inviting, warm mouth. Hermione ran her fingers through his hair, feeling her back pressed against the cold board. She felt his lips glide across her face and down to the soft skin of her neck. Shivering desperately as she felt his mouth over her skin she clenched her fists harder to keep the growing fire within her. The flame wasn't burning down though; it was growing, growing into a large bonfire, leaving her feeling helpless and confused.

The warm lights in the room grew dimmer as the night ticked by slowly, the room filling with cool blasts of air from the open windows, chilling the bare, empty room.


	7. Someday, Somehow, Somewhere

Disclaimer- i don't think anyone really reads these...and i'm not good at those really funny disclaimers either, so i don't see why anyone would WANT to read these...but since i have to say this, I don't own Harry Potter!

**A/N- (PLEASE READ!)- (9-07-05) i won't be continueing this story, i'm very sorry, for all of you who hoping for more! I just decided this was the best ending for it, i never intended to give it a 'happy' (...can't find the right word for it) ending, this is how i saw it when i began writing it. Thank you for everyone who reveiwed, they inspired me and made me smile as i read them!**

** Fairy-GYAKUTENNO-MEGAMI- **thank you! Sorry, but I am ending it here…I still hope you enjoyed it even with this ending!

** robin/Jamie- **hehe I know what you mean (I'd rather have the soda…ugh milk) thank you for reading it!

**mercutio-rane- **thank you so much! Yes, ever since I heard the song, I thought it would fit percetly in a Hermione/Remus situation.

**Brittany Malfoy**– lol, never looked at it from a Romeo/Juliet point of view, hehe imagine Remus as Romeo (nice…yes definitely nice)

**Janey**- thank you!

**TrinityDD**- thanks for taking the time to read this and review throughout the story! (I'm sorry I'm not continuing!)

** KatelynnLynn- **hides from expected wrath- ah well thanks for reading it!

******Le Grimoire- Thank you for beta-ing those chapters! I think you did an awesome job!**

******Serlene, LupinLovesTonks, BlackRose111, more-beneath-the-surface, Aljinon, Ruby malfoy, Grae, RandomReviewer, Obi-wan's lover (haha love the name), Lady Norskstar, LunaRoseAF, moggy201484271612345** – thank you all! I really appreciated your reviews!

The realization hit her like a ton of bricks dropped on her head. Her limbs refused to move; she was rooted to the ground, her arms feeling limp, her eyes swimming in and out of focus. It seemed like the perfect cliché as the heavy raindrops began splattering onto her head from the dark blanket of clouds swarming the sky. It felt as if someone had paused her movements as the rest of the world went by with their daily movements. Her classmates ran past her still drenched figure, into the castle, looking for shelter from the storm. He was leaving. Leaving, moving to some place to distinct himself from everyone he knew, everything that was familiar to him. A tsunami of guilt washed over her, he had lost so much already, and she was making him lose everything, separating him from so of the few things he had left. She sunk to the ground feeling lethargic. Maybe it was time for her to give up. She couldn't do it, maybe she wasn't ready. The guilt rushed back, hitting her again and again. She felt she had to say something to him, had to go see him before he left. Hermione laid her weight on her legs and stared up at the sky, the raindrops hurting her eyes. She felt torn. Was it because of what happened? Her heart began racing faster, her fingers twisting together nervously. The guilt had begun hitting her strongly from that night, almost three weeks ago. Hermione replayed it behind her closed eyes, feeling the rain hitting her closed lids harder. She remembered the strong desire she had felt, they had both felt, she also remembered the hurt on his face clearly when she had pushed him away. She hadn't meant to, she hadn't wanted to, but the feeling of confusion and passion had been so strong it had scared her. She had chided herself for being so immature about it, hating herself for throwing away the opportunity. There had been no drama after that, no tears, no screaming. He's simply touched her cheek with this eyes full of apology as she crossed her arms and walked out. Back in her dark dormitory she had laid down gently on her bed, staring blankly at the bare walls and shivering. She hated herself, she wanted so badly to be someone else, some actor in some movie whom everyone loved. She knew she was being too dramatic and arrogant, sitting on her bed and feeling sorry for herself, which made her hate herself even more. But she was lost.

The need to see Remus powered her into action again; pushing thoughts about herself aside she sprang up again. She raced across the lawn, her legs pumping the ground, her heart hammering out of her chest. _Will I make it? Will I make it? _The thought was racing in her head along with her legs. Making her way past the puzzled students and surprised professors she frantically looked around for his familiar presence. With burning lungs and wild hair whipping around her face, Hermione finally halted, panting and staring at the single carriage by the huge lake. The rain was beating down harder; echoes of students' voices were carried away by the howling wind. Not a single soul seemed to be present except for her and Remus. She watched him step out of the carriage, collecting his bags for the ride across the lake and to the train. Looking around for his ride he squinted against the rain, with his hand over his eyes he looked out into the lake, then turned back to find Hermione's drenched form. The two seemed separated by time and space. The sheets of water acting as a protective shield, a barrier they couldn't seem to get past. Hermione started at Remus, her eyes wide. His long black trench coat whipped around his legs, his bags falling from his grip as he opened his arms out to Hermione. The rain began slipping down her cheeks, creating the illusion of tears. A quiet understanding seemed to creep between them as they stood there staring at each other. Turning around she begins to walk away, slowing but steadily, wiping away at the false tears. But as she walks away the winds and rain trying hard to keep them apart blows her one last word from him. _Someday. _

The word whistles all around her as she quickens her pace and her blurry figure melts away into the atmosphere. Remus slowly lowers his stretched arms, picks up his bags and walks towards the edge of the lake, waiting for his ride back. As the boat nears he turns once more in despaired hope, just once. Hearing Hagrid's cheery voice from the boat he quickly blinks before greeting Hagrid warmly and getting on the rickety boat to return to the world outside of these suffocating boundaries.

Hermione closed her fist around her hair, tugging it, her eyes with a faraway look to them. Staring out the window, she watched the fierce rain splatter the glass. She reasoned with herself, thought about it endlessly, debated with her mind, and in the end with a soft of foolishly brave resolve decided to let it go. Let it all go. It was an experience she would never be able to experience again, a love she would never be able to feel again, and struggles she would never have to face again. Comfort came easy, losing herself in work even easier, but somehow living life came the easiest. Years passed, and she understood as she grew, what was important now, other matters would have to wait, or would have to be forgotten.

Her grin was wide and gleaming as she posed for the camera with Harry and Ron, their graduation robes flapping in the summer breeze. Grinning and silly, hugs and tears all being shared as the one of the most entertaining class to ever attend Hogwarts stepped out into the real world, unprotected and unrestricted from the Hogwarts boundaries. Harry, Ron, and Hermione approached the lake and fell upon the grass, staining their brand new robes. They seemed content lying on the grass, side by side and staring up into the bright blue skies, watching the few puffy white clouds lazily floating around. They mutually seemed to understand that their life from now on wouldn't be the same. Scared. Nervous. Anticipated. Relieved.

As Hermione began to drift off, a word, a forgotten word, rode the slight breeze, whispering around her ears. _Someday_. Her breathing became uneven for a minute, then calming herself she forgot about it. It had been in the past, it had nothing to do with her new life. With the sun warming her skin, and the subtle breeze cooling off her body, she sighed contently and drifted off to sleep.

He watched her, lying on the grass next to Harry and Ron. Content, without any worries, young and restless, waiting to prove herself to the world. A feeling he had ached to feel, just like his classmates, but never had felt. It was all in the past. She wouldn't even remember it in the future; it had been part of her life and would always be, but he had been forgotten, and that's how it should be, he decided with a firm resolve. As he turned around to slip quietly away, a breeze around him picked up. A sudden chill in the air reminding him of the day he had left her.

_Someday..._

_  
It's a promise._


End file.
